Politics & Love: India & Pakistan

I am on a family visit to Pakistan... Islamabad and Lahore are exotic, beautiful, and larger than life. I have grown up on stories that my Muslim grandmother from Lahore wove... stories about Eid, and kheer, about flying kites, and dancing with hoor paries (fairies!), about the amazing and plentiful foods, about living from the heart, sufi, rumi, kahlil gibran...

So when I finally arrived here two days ago, expectant, receptive, and delighted to be a part of a family wedding, all my senses are open. Hungry, dreaming, mind wanting to experience what my grandmother described!

Lahore Airport is like what I was hoping. From the instant I set foot on Lahore soil, people were wishing Salaam Valeikum, opening doors, and generally filling our hearts with a sense of welcome so alien to New Delhi. Smiles and handshakes, fill our souls with pleasure... the bathroom is a dream. And no one pestering you or "expecting" a tip, unlike some bathrooms in Delhi airport... I smile as I start on my journey out of the airport and into the warm avuncular arms of my dear Imtiaz Mamu, my uncle who, like me, has decided to heal the world, with reiki and other such therapies, my soft ex farmer, salt of the earth Imtiaz Mamu... Lahore is pure L-O-V-E!

But Islamabad is a completely different ballgame! From the instant I step into the airport, I am greeted and assaulted by different emotions and feelings. From the two porters standing at the front "guarding" "their" luggage trolleys, only wanting to help those who wanted to pay them, to the urine smelling toilet with the old hag wanting a tip only because she was there... to the taxi drivers who want to rip you off, to the people we meet who want to immediately "slot" us into what work, what socio economic background, etc... Hello, have we reached another Delhi? Islamabad is pure P-O-L-I-T-I-C-S.

And then I see it. Clear and simple. Whenever a city revolves around politics, like Delhi and Islamabad, love has to be disintegrated. There can be no love with politics. But I sure wish it were possible!

So, tell me, what do you think? Do you think our politicians should try and heal India with love? Especially in this flag waving 60th year of India's independence, should our leaders look at changing India with love, rather than discrimination. With freedom, rather than fear. With no religion, rather than secularism. And a focus on our children and old people, the future and past of our country... rather than the selfish able bodied young people, the present...?

My answer: a resounding yes!

What do you think?

Love,
Jhilmil

The Truth Behind School Counsellors...

The case of the little boy abused by his mother is beginning to have political ramifications, two weeks after the seven-year-old was found bound and naked in a broom cupboard. Prime Minister Mirek Topolanek says he wants new legislation to improve the protection of children, while the education minister is calling for tighter controls over home schooling in the Czech Republic.

The case of little Ondrej, discovered by chance in a broom cupboard on May 7th, shocked many people in this country. But the case has also highlighted a number of shortcomings in how the Czech state protects its children.
The raw facts of the case are disturbing. A seven-year-old boy with a hearing disability is systematically abused by his mother - herself a student of child psychology who was planning to work with disabled children. The case is discovered by chance when footage from a neighbour's digital babyminder shows Ondrej tied up naked in a cupboard under the stairs, being force fed his own vomit by his mother.

Ondrej's mother admits the abuse to police but says it had only taken place for the previous fortnight when she was suffering severe emotional strain. The boy, however, tells detectives he had been locked up "a hundred" times. He says he was also locked up by his mother's sister at the children's home where she worked and that one of her colleagues was also involved. Both women deny the accusations.

Prime Minister Topolanek says in an article published in Mlada fronta Dnes on Monday that social workers are no longer under central control, so the Ministry of Labour and Social Affairs, for example, cannot order them to investigate suspected abuse cases. Mr Topolanek has proposed the creation of a new National Office for Employment and Social Care to coordinate the system of child protection.
But the case has highlighted other problem areas. Ondrej never went to school - his mother chose to teach him at home because of his hearing disability. Education Minister Dana Kuchtova told Czech Television she was concerned at the lack of monitoring of children who are schooled by their parents:

Education Minister Dana Kuchtova
"I think we should consider making more regular check-ups of such children. At the moment the consultation is every six months - I think it should be more often."
Meanwhile each day the case seems to throw up more mysterious leads. Police are searching for a 13-year-old girl named Anna, who was adopted this year by Ondrej's mother. She went missing shortly after being taken into care following the woman's arrest. But Anna has literally disappeared without trace - there is no birth certificate, no medical records - and her history is unknown. Press reports have suggested that the single photo police are using to track her down is actually not of the girl at all, but a 34-year-old woman who worked for Ondrej's aunt at the children's home. She resigned in early May, and has since disappeared.

If that was not enough, Mlada fronta Dnes reports that the family was involved in something called the Grail Movement, variously described as a new religious movement or as a cult. The police, claims the paper, have even indicated that the Czech chapter of this international movement was involved in both Anna's disappearance and Ondrej's abuse. A member of the Grail Movement has confirmed there was contact with the family, but denies involvement in any wrongdoing.


Adapted from
[21.05.2007] - Current Affairs - Rob Cameron
Politicians call for changes to law in light of Ondrej abuse case
Source: Czech Radio 7, Radio Prague
URL: http://www.radio.cz/en/article/91554
© Copyright 1996, 2007 Radio Prague
All rights reserved.

Walking Into The Light... Lonely is the Path to God....

These are photoraphs that I have taken in the last year or so... In today's post, I just display a few photos with what I am trying to convey...

Would love your feedback!

Love,
J


Walking Up a Steep Mountain to get to a Tibetan Shrine


Humayun's Tomb, Delhi: Let there be Light!

Judgement, Expecations & Excuses

Good morning, Bloggers, Friends, Sulekha Bloggers, Pranic Healers and Walkers:


Just come to my Inbox to get a "trigger" kind of email from one of the women I work with in the UK... Doing my best to calm down with music, my healing balcony (it's 6 am on Sunday morning), looking at my trees and flowers and hearing the birds!

And I thought I'd write to you all... that always helps me. To know I can vent if I need to, or need a virtual hug, or the comfort of knowing that someone is listening to me...! And the comfort of knowing that you understand.

So, here is what I propose this morning: Just like Gandhiji preached against the three sins of Speak No Evil, Hear No Evil, Think No Evil, I believe that if we can throw away from our mind and heart the three sins of Judgement, Expectations and Excuses... we'd all be one step closer to divinity!

Judgement is the first deadly sin. Who are we to judge anyone? We are not a judge or God. These are the only two people who should be allowed to judge! A judge in the living world and God in the non living world.

Expectations is the second deadly sin. We have expectations from everyone, and when they cannot meet our needs, we pout, get sad, angry or depressed. Why have expectations from anyone? Leave this sin outside the door when you take off your shoes and enter the temple of spirituality. There's so space for you both in here!

Excuses is the third, and least deadly sin. This one is just an irritating one... and will prevent you from character purification and character building. If someone gives you a time, like please come to this meeting at 10 am, do you find you're always rushing, late, and then rush in breathing excuses? Hello?! Have you not heard the rude saying my American husband introduced me to years ago, excuses are like ***holes, everyone has one! I have no patience for excuses any more. If anyone gives me excuses, I just smile politely till they're done vomitting the bile from their system, smile, clap or shake my palms to cleanse the air, and carry on as if no one said anything! It's the best way not to feed energy to excuses.

So, my proposition to you all is this: just for one week, try not to indulge in these three deadly sins... and be aware of how you feel. How's your heart feeling? And your mind? And energy levels, do you get more done or less?

I know in my case, when 2 years ago, I fell down to point zero, and in my heart and mind, removed any expectations from my parents, from my therapist, etc., for my healing, things have been moving at quantum leaps.

And this morning, as I have flown into a rage with some work related issue, I finally am adding expectations and judgement to that litany:
Judgement, Expectations and Excuses are like ***holes: Everyone Has Them!!

What do you think and know and feel about judgements, expectations and excuses?


Love, and With One Heart,
JSpirit

Be Unreasonable: The Shamanic Trance & The Tantric Dance!

When people gasp and wonder at all the things I do, and do quite well (not feeling very modest this morning!), I just smile. I am tired of defending my drive, my passions and my quest for the truth. If I want to Be Unreasonable, then, by God, so I will be!

So yesterday, when we met with the school Principal, and she just tried to play the political, manipulative game, oh Mr & Mrs Breckenridge, we have studied the situation very carefully, and find your suggestions baseless... I just smiled and shifted into my Be Unreasonable gear. Why do I do that?

• It gives me a safe zone, so I can express my anger outwards, towards healing and changing the world, rather than damaging her, the school, or my family,

• If I do not stand up and defend my values, who will?

• What is the point of living in fear?

• If I do my best, as a mother and as a citizen of the school, won't it eventually be a battle people are happy I took on? Like the Annie Besants or Raja Ram Mohan Roys of 19th century India... won't people one day cite me as an example of a social reformer? And whether they do, or not, is not my battle. The issue at stake is.

• The Power of Transformation. When you move from an ordinary state to a Be Unreasonable stage, the energy levels in you transform! You are suddenly taken or shifted into the next paradigm or a higher level of consciousness. And people can't fight that light of purity, of truth, and of divinity...

• As God, the Universe, or whatever we believe the higher power is, notices our struggles, it's almost as if He clears, not just a road, but a highway, for us!

So, people who care... who read my blog.... or just citizens of the world who care about abuse against our children, join me as I try and heal and change the world! One day at a time, one heart at a time. With no need for recognition, however self affirming, and no need of money or material rewards.... this is a spiritual journey inwards. A shamanic trance. A tantric dance.

The Ultimate in Life.




Where the mind is without fear and the head is held high;
Where knowledge is free;
Where the world has not been broken up into fragments by narrow
domestic walls;
Where words come out from the depth of truth;
Where tireless striving stretches its arms towards perfection;
Where the clear stream of reason has not lost its way into the
dreary desert sand of dead habit;
Where the mind is led forward by thee into ever-widening thought
and action--
Into that heaven of freedom, my Father, let my country awake.

-- Rabindranath Tagore








Jhilmil Breckenridge is an energy healer and yoga practitioner who believes she can change the world! Or, in Gandhi's words, Be the Change You Want to See in the World. Join her as she fights her cause—People Against Abuse on Less Powerful People. Our children, the children on the streets, and children at home. I'd love to your from you!


More Information on Shamanic Trances & Tantric Dances...

The word shaman comes from the language of a tribe in Siberia, according to Mircea Eliade, a scholar of religion, a shaman is a man or woman who "journeys" in an altered state of consciousness. Thus, shamanism is the application of what the shaman does.

In his book The Spirit of Shamanism, Roger N. Walsh, M.D., PhD. defines Shamanism as follows: "Shamanism can be defined as a family of traditions whose Practitioners focus on voluntarily entering altered states of consciousness in which they experience themselves or their spirit[s], traveling to other realms at will, and interacting with other entities in order to serve their community." There are many important phrases or key terms included in this definition. The first of which is "traditions." Traditions according to the dictionary are beliefs that are handed down [to the next generation] because of their effectiveness. In the shamanic context, these beliefs are being applied to spiritual healing, which may have an impact on the emotional/mental and physical aspects [bodies] of the individual as well. The shamanic traditions are not surprisingly different from culture to culture setting. This leads to the speculation that these traditions have an original source.



Vajra Ma (www.GreatGoddess.org) says:

About The Tantric Dance of Feminine Power
Sacred Sensual Moving Meditation
The Tantric Dance of Feminine Power is a spiritual treasure. It is the Yoga of Shakti. The practice is spontaneous, self-referred, and can only be discovered by direct communion with the deep innate intelligence and power of the body. It is a highly focused moving meditation which circulates the sexual-creative energy throughout the entire body. Key characteristics distinguish The Tantric Dance of Feminine Power from other yoga, moving meditation and dance forms. Through these distinguishing elements the dancer increases her sensitivity to subtle energies, learns how to absorb them as they intensify, rather than dissipate them, leading to an ever increasing capacity to receive, generate and absorb higher frequencies in the body. "Frequency" is no poetic expression but a concrete, tangible phenomenon. At the higher frequencies, the Tantric Dance is the literal living embodiment of deity. The Tantric Dance of Feminine Power is danced for the benefit of self, witness and all sentient beings.

Singing my way to God!

Wednesday evening, 6:45 pm. German School, New Delhi...

I entered the foyer, breathless, excited and flushed, a bottle of water in one hand, and my purse in the other. With the sweet anticipation of meeting a beloved, I asked for directions to the Choir meet that evening...

Now, I l-o-v-e singing! I may not be the best, but that does not stop me from singing whenever I am happy, singing when I do yoga, singing when I get my kids ready for school in the morning. And when I am truly connected with the music, I get goose bumps—God's way of telling me I was born to sing! Or so I choose to believe...

So when my friend, Tuk Tuk, large, slightly hypertensive, and wonderful, asks me whether I want to come to the Capital City Minstrels, Delhi's foremost and oldest Western music choir, I jump for joy! I anticipate the time she had indicated all night and all day until it arrived, and I was there... notwithstanding my aching body, my sleep deprived soul, and close to laryngitis voice!

And it's true... when Gabriella (our conductor and pianist) started us on stretches and warm ups, I felt like a diva stretching before my show. And when I sang, I got goose bumps...

Singing. 2 hours of bliss. 2 hours of pure meditation. Singing—as a path to God?

YES!!!



What do you enjoy so much that you forget everything else? I'd love to hear from you!

Going Bananas for the Banana

If there is a perfect food it has to be the beautiful banana. Because bananas contain fiber, plus three natural sugars, sucrose, fructose and glucose, they provide an instant boost of energy. Here are some other benefits of the banana:

-Tryptophan is a protein that the body converts into serotonin, which helps you to relax and feel happier.
-Vitamin B6 regulates blood glucose levels, so it helps stabilize your mood.
-Iron helps to stimulate the production of hemoglobin in the blood, so it helps in cases of anemia.
-Potassium helps to reduce the risk of high blood pressure. It also makes you more alert, so you can learn more efficiently.


And when you're done eating your banana, don't throw out the skin! The inside skin of the banana will soothe mosquito bites. And some say that you can get rid of a wart by taping a piece of banana skin over the wart.


(Inspired by Lissa Coffee... CoffeeTalk)

A Lesson: Mechanical Mode in Bipolar Disorder—Living Vulnerably... with an Open Heart

I am stricken by the pain and anguish this daughter describes. The love for her mother, combined with loathing and deep resentment. The technicolor vividity of her dreams. Living on the edge, vulnerable, open like a flower....

Enjoy, and open up your hearts,
Love,
Jhilmil

PS: Original photographs taken by me in June 2005, Almora, in the Himalayas.



Edited from
http://bipolar.about.com/od/whatme/a/070812_mechmode.htm?nl=1


I'm Bipolar Journal - August 12, 2007

by Marcia Purse


Because of all that has been going on this year with Mom, and the depression I fell into as a result, everything was piling up from bills to work to cleaning and clutter. After Mom went into the hospital on June 22nd, and after the company I worked for had completed its move, I had something of a mental and physical collapse for a good three-plus weeks. This made perfect sense. When one has been under relentless stress for a long period, and it suddenly lets up, the body's defenses can all let go at once, and the mind wants to be mindless for awhile.

I lived, as I've said, on coffee, Frappucino and Cheez-Its for at least two weeks, then suddenly wanted cream of tomato soup. I'd eat an entire can in one sitting, crumbling Saltines into the bowl again and again. I bought an apple danish strip coffee cake for breakfast -- wonderful, heated in the microwave and slathered with butter. (No, not real butter.) Began eating Mom's hot dogs, discovered they were very good wrapped in buttered high-fiber bread. Still having coffee and 2-3 bottles of Mocha Frappucino a day, but fewer Cheez-Its. Then I started to have the occasional microwaved frozen dinner (tried several "healthy" dinners and they were almost all terrible). One day I remembered how much I love graham crackers broken up in a bowl of milk, and I've been having that once a day ever since. Comfort foods. That's what my diet has turned into. High carb, high chocolate, high salt. It's soothing.

Mechanical mode
Gradually I started to tackle the necessary chores - and more. Over a period of two weeks, I completely caught up with all the work for my day job. I copied all of Mom's medical bills, Medicare statements and prescription information and mailed it to the company that handles this for her. I bought a fax machine for business use, and worked a lot on setting up a proper office since I'm now working the day job entirely from home. Caught up on paying the bills and stayed that way: NO MORE late charges, I swear!

With help, I streamlined Mom's computer system to allow more space on the desk (that PC still gets used) and cleared out everything under my worktable and both our desks. Yesterday my friend JoAnn and I tackled more cleaning and organizing of the office. She opened a box that has been sitting on the floor for I don't know how long - I thought it was some PC games I'd purchased, but it turned out to be graphics software! And we cleaned my oscillating fan, which was black with dust. I cannot begin to tell you what a difference that simple task made. Not just that the fan puts out more air. That fan is something I see a hundred times a day and suddenly it is bright white and one can see through it again. I'm not looking at dirt a hundred times a day. Talk about a breath of fresh air!

And part of the reason I've been able to do all this is that I'm just not facing any of the emotional issues. I've gone into a state of denial where everything is on the surface. Practical. Mechanical.

What about Mom?
What I don't do - much - is visit my mother in the hospital.

The first time I went to see her, she looked so horrible that I couldn't stay in the room longer than five minutes. I bolted out, went down to the lounge area at the end of the ward and cried and cried. I didn't go back to the hospital again until my brother told me she looked better.

She was released for rehab on July 13th. The nursing home sent her back to the hospital two days later because of abdominal distention. Back to rehab on the 18th, and back to the hospital on the 27th because her kidney function dropped alarmingly. She has treatment-resistant pneumonia, a rectal tube, congestive heart failure and aortic stenosis. She also had a treatment-resistant urinary tract infection. Mega-antibiotics cleared that up but have only been able to keep the pneumonia stable, getting no worse - but no better, either.

Because they found she was not swallowing thin liquids correctly, allowing fluid to get into her lungs (thus the pneumonia), she'll have to have thickened liquids for the rest of her life. They have a powder that thickens any liquid to the consistency of pear nectar. This means thick water. Thick milk. Thick coffee. She hates it. Wouldn't you?!

The bottom line
A few days ago the hospital staff arranged a meeting to explain to us that there really isn't anything they can do to make her better. The aortic valve has narrowed significantly in the past year, and the only way to treat aortic stenosis is by surgery, which would kill her. The only way to remove the rectal tube would be for her to become quite active, and that's just not going to happen. And all the illnesses and conditions she has can often accelerate dementia. Bottom line: She probably has no more than a year to live, possibly much less -- one can never tell with this type of heart problem. The thing to do now is to make her feel as good as possible for the time she has left.

So we are putting her into hospice.

Dreams
It still requires a lot of mental effort to get myself to go visit her. It's not because of how she looks. It's because of all I went through with her the first six months of the year. None of it was her fault - but now that it's over, I need to be away from her. This is not an easy confession to make: I haven't forgiven her for six months of hell. This is something I'll really need to do - when I make a decision to get out of mechanical mode.

My subconscious is dealing with things my conscious mind can't handle. I have terrible dreams, and wonderful dreams. After the family conference, I had a particularly horrid dream where I was about to be tortured like Prometheus, huge claws coming out of the sky to tear at me. When I woke up, I had "Stricken" by Disturbed going through my head over and over. Although the lyrics are about something entirely different, they really could apply to me and Mom.

... I know
That I am stricken and can't let you go
When the heart is cold, there's no hope, and we know
That I am crippled by all that you've done
Into the abyss will I run.
Updated: August 20, 2007

In the Zone...

I was waiting for someone to respond to my new poll on my site, so I could write about this! Not sure what "in the zone" means?

Have you ever watched a race at a sporting event, where one athlete stood out. While other runners looked around, checking out the competition, or maybe chatting while they wait for the starting whistle, this athlete is going within, stretching his body, and focusing on finding his center. In other words, he is in meditation, so that when the race starts, he is only focused on running his best, racing against his last best time, and does not keep looking over his shoulder to see what is happening with the other competitors. He is "in the zone".

Ask Sachin Tendulkar, or Muhammad Ali, or any such sporting greats, the secret to their almost superhuman performance sometimes... and the answers will be similar. Sachin may say, I can see the ball as big as a football, and it comes in slow motion...
Muhammad Ali may be able to guage the energy of the fight, and know what his opponent is going to do, before the opponent even knows! And if you saw the film, Iqbal, like I did recently, you will know that Iqbal was "in the zone" when he bowled his winning over... tricking and manipulating the cricketer into playing a risky shot... Fascinating stuff!

I am fascinated by the workings of the human mind. I am fascinated at how it sometimes can enslave us, or sometimes, with meditation, we can enslave it! I am fascinated at how, if we become the watcher, we can play games with other people's minds, without them even realising it...


In the zone. The stuff sporting legends are made of. And my favourite way to fight....




Jhilmil Breckenridge can help you harness the power of your unconscious mind. Be it for a sporting career, a job, or relationship issues, she can help you to tap into your "zone".

After the Storm, The Stillness...

"After the storm, comes the stillness. After the heavy rain, there is growth. After the unpleasant changes, there will be Greater Activity, Greater Success."—Grand Master Choa Kok Sui, Founder of Pranic Healing

I have been in Vipassana meditation for the last 4 days. For a description on Vipassana, check out its definition from the Great Wikipedia at the end of this post. Now it is not really possible to do real Vipassana in a family life setting. I should retreat to an ashram, lick my wounds in private, and take the vow of Noble Silence for 10 days! Try doing that in my home with my energy healing constancy, 4 children, a dog... a wounded and fragile husband.... and you'll know my kind of vipassana is modified for JSpirit. Basically I am talking only to those people who heal me, and not talking to those who drain me. This allows me the energy to look within and see how I want to heal. Because I am extremely fragile after the events of last week (sexual abuse etc., against my son, my husband trying to take away all the things that keep me happy, my 11 year old's 2 days of swimming competitions at an inter school level, etc.....).

So, right now, I am back to 80% of my functioning. I can finally smile through the tears. Or see the sun through the rain. Or be extremely dangerous to my enemies.... As they see me wounded and fragile, they are trying to strike me down. I smile as I plot my next move. Like a wrestler completely "in the zone", I enjoy playing with their minds....

Or maybe I am a "heart" person, a "love" person, a "Ray 2" type person.... the kind of person they do not expect to see in a wrestling match. The kind of person who uses love to win battles...

Bring it on, Principal! Here's to our next meeting on Thursday...

Love,
Jhilmil



PS: Why don't you all place bets or wagers on what is going to happen? Who is going to win? The school Principal or me? Silence or Debate? The betting is open!!





PPS: Vipassana
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Vipassanā (Pāli) or vipaśyanā (Sanskrit) means "insight" and is often referred to by Buddhists and non-Buddhists alike as simply "insight meditation". While it is a type of Buddhist meditation as taught by the Buddha, it is essentially non-sectarian in character and has universal application. One need not convert to Buddhism to practice vipassanā meditation. While the meditation practices themselves vary from school to school, the underlying principle is the investigation of phenomena as they manifest in the four Foundations of Mindfulness highlighted in the Satipatthana sutta; namely: Kaya - Body (or breath), Vedana feeling, Citta - Mind, and dhamma - Mind objects. It should here be noted as those factors differ from the Khandas - aggregates - in the sense that the Citta factor is not connected to any aggregate being in fact the basic mood of the Mind-Body aggregate, and the dhamma factor encompasses all mind objects thus including the Vinnana, Sanna and Sankhara aggregate but also all mind objects that are not a fruit of kamma like, for example, the Four Noble Truths themselves.
In a broader sense, vipassanā has been used as one of two poles for the categorization of types of Buddhist meditation, the other being samatha (Pāli) or śamatha (Sanskrit). Samatha is a focusing, pacifying and calming meditation, common to many traditions in the world, notably yoga. It is used as a preparation for vipassanā, pacifying the mind and strengthening the concentration in order to allow the work of insight. This dichotomy is also sometimes discussed as "stopping and seeing." In Buddhist practice, it is said that while samatha can calm the mind, only insight can reveal how the mind was disturbed to start with, which leads to prajñā (Pāli: paññā, knowledge) and jñāna (Pāli: ñāṇa, wisdom) and thus understanding, preventing it from being disturbed again.
The term is also used to refer to the Buddhist Vipassana movement modeled after Theravāda Buddhism which employs Vipassanā and ānāpāna meditation as its primary techniques and places emphasis on the teachings of the Satipaṭṭhāna Sutta. Vedanā (sensation/feeling) is the primary initial subject of investigation.

Letter From A Mother To A Principal

(Background: My son, aged 6, faces sexual abuse (kissing!) in school and how it affects his behaviour. When will we start listening to the verbal and non verbal signals our children give us? This letter showcases the inherent bias against boys, and today, after meeting the Principal, we were advised to consider counselling for our son—imprison the victim, and glorify the rapist!)



Dear Principal:

Greetings! I trust you are in good health and that the school and the children continue to give you food for the soul...

I am writing for a few reasons:
1. A lot of parents have been discussing distressing reports of girls and boys fighting in groups, girls chasing boys to kiss them, boys fighting with girls, etc. So far, I have not brought these to your attention as I thought it best left to the kids and that if something was very bad, you would find out anyway!

2. Over the last 6 weeks, Ethan, who is a happy go lucky 6 year old suddenly developed anxiety, backaches, neckaches, and a general attitude of “I don’t want to go to school”. As a concerned mother, I pleaded, cajoled, and finally went and mett the class teachers on at least five occasions, and often had to take Ethan all the way to class, and often leave him tears. As you will understand, this did not make me feel happy, but every day the class teachers would reassure me that “he just cries for a few moments and then he is fine.”

3. Ethan, over the last 6 weeks, has become more whiny, more clingy, has stopped all his evening activities, and in general, is more anxious. I have been trying to be more patient, loving and kind, hoping this is a phase, and it will pass.

4. At the PTA, just this Saturday, I again asked the teachers whether they thought that Ethan was doing better and could I do anything else about this anxiety... they reassured me that all is well, and could I please be aware that his handwriting needs some work?!!

5. Today, I came to know the real reason why Ethan has been feeling and acting in this way. Apparently the girls think it is funny to chase the boys and kiss them on the lips. So Jannat had been kissing Ethan... a lot. When I asked Ethan about this, he said he had not wanted to tell me as he was worried that I would get upset!

Here are the reasons why I am upset now!
1. I believe that school should be a place for learning, friendships and nurturing. I believe a child has the right to feel safe in school. I believe that in a school of your reputation, physical violence (if true, from the boys side) and sexual harrassment (again, if true, from the girls side) should not be condoned.


2. I believe in a small class size like theirs, if I had been engaged with the class teachers and trying to understand the reasons for Ethan’s behavious changing, the teachers should have made more of an effort to find out the real reason, instead of covering up, and asking me to focus on his handwriting!

3. I called Sangeeta, Jannat's mother, this evening to try and discuss this with her so I would not have to involve the school. She bit off my head, called Ethan a violent and boisterous boy, and called me names I cannot even mention in a letter to you!

I do not know what the real issues are as I am not present in school, like you and the teachers, and of course, these poor kids. I assign no blame to any child, as I believe all kids are perfect. But these are serious charges, and I think the school system can be threatened by issues like these, however trivial they seem.

Please let me know how I can help to make Ethan feel safer at school. Or help me understand what you are doing. One of us has to do something! At this point, I place my trust in the school system and the school family. Either way, I would appreciate you letting me know what you are doing about this problem, and how you are addressing these issues. Once again, I am not the only concerned parent, there are several!

Sincerely yours,

Jhilmil Breckenridge



For further reading and inspirations on how to listen to your sons, read Stephen Biddulph's Raising Boys. It changed the way I look at my 4 sons... And to make it easy, there's a link on the left at JSpirit where you can order the book online...

The Easy Way To Come Back To Feeling 40!

Scene 1
7:00 pm.
4 children are driving Mom crazy. Friend calls up, trouble at school for one of the kids. Call husband, only to hear his voice mail. Mother of the troubled child calls me, and calls my son and me names... Husband at celebratory drinks party for his corporation—first year anniversary! Mom has no idea whether said husband will have dinner at home...

Scene 2
10:30 pm.
All the boys and Dad in bed. Mom ate her dinner, cold and alone, while Dad lies asleep in bed after his tough day. Mom has straightened up the kitchen, and fixed herself a whisky. Mom walks through the house, fixing a cushion here, and tucking a child under the covers there.

Scene 3
10:40 pm.
Starts writing a letter to her love, the man who promised to love and cherish her, 16 years ago...


My darling,

Congratulations on your first year, honey! You must feel so proud, so wonderful, and so competent. While you all were toasting your company, it was a difficult day at home for me. But it's okay. It's all okay, I can handle it.

Sorry I was agitated with Sangeeta. Sorry if I did not rush into your arms to heal and nourish you, as you petulantly announced you also had a bad day. I'm sorry that I was not more sympathetic then.

I hope you can sleep well, my love. After all the celebrations, and the toasts, it's a hard day and you need to sleep off your tiredness. I send you loving and healing so you can rest well and do even more great things tomorrow, in the first day of your company's second year.

So, while I do my girlie pedicure and prepare my body and soul for your big celebration on Saturday, here's wishing you all the love, success and happiness in the world! And if you'd rather I did not come to the Saturday thing, that would be fine too. I can just baby sit the kids. I love doing that. Don't want the CEO to be embarrassed by a crazy wife, after all you have an important role to play!

Love, always,
Jhilmil