Letter From A Mother To A Principal

(Background: My son, aged 6, faces sexual abuse (kissing!) in school and how it affects his behaviour. When will we start listening to the verbal and non verbal signals our children give us? This letter showcases the inherent bias against boys, and today, after meeting the Principal, we were advised to consider counselling for our son—imprison the victim, and glorify the rapist!)



Dear Principal:

Greetings! I trust you are in good health and that the school and the children continue to give you food for the soul...

I am writing for a few reasons:
1. A lot of parents have been discussing distressing reports of girls and boys fighting in groups, girls chasing boys to kiss them, boys fighting with girls, etc. So far, I have not brought these to your attention as I thought it best left to the kids and that if something was very bad, you would find out anyway!

2. Over the last 6 weeks, Ethan, who is a happy go lucky 6 year old suddenly developed anxiety, backaches, neckaches, and a general attitude of “I don’t want to go to school”. As a concerned mother, I pleaded, cajoled, and finally went and mett the class teachers on at least five occasions, and often had to take Ethan all the way to class, and often leave him tears. As you will understand, this did not make me feel happy, but every day the class teachers would reassure me that “he just cries for a few moments and then he is fine.”

3. Ethan, over the last 6 weeks, has become more whiny, more clingy, has stopped all his evening activities, and in general, is more anxious. I have been trying to be more patient, loving and kind, hoping this is a phase, and it will pass.

4. At the PTA, just this Saturday, I again asked the teachers whether they thought that Ethan was doing better and could I do anything else about this anxiety... they reassured me that all is well, and could I please be aware that his handwriting needs some work?!!

5. Today, I came to know the real reason why Ethan has been feeling and acting in this way. Apparently the girls think it is funny to chase the boys and kiss them on the lips. So Jannat had been kissing Ethan... a lot. When I asked Ethan about this, he said he had not wanted to tell me as he was worried that I would get upset!

Here are the reasons why I am upset now!
1. I believe that school should be a place for learning, friendships and nurturing. I believe a child has the right to feel safe in school. I believe that in a school of your reputation, physical violence (if true, from the boys side) and sexual harrassment (again, if true, from the girls side) should not be condoned.


2. I believe in a small class size like theirs, if I had been engaged with the class teachers and trying to understand the reasons for Ethan’s behavious changing, the teachers should have made more of an effort to find out the real reason, instead of covering up, and asking me to focus on his handwriting!

3. I called Sangeeta, Jannat's mother, this evening to try and discuss this with her so I would not have to involve the school. She bit off my head, called Ethan a violent and boisterous boy, and called me names I cannot even mention in a letter to you!

I do not know what the real issues are as I am not present in school, like you and the teachers, and of course, these poor kids. I assign no blame to any child, as I believe all kids are perfect. But these are serious charges, and I think the school system can be threatened by issues like these, however trivial they seem.

Please let me know how I can help to make Ethan feel safer at school. Or help me understand what you are doing. One of us has to do something! At this point, I place my trust in the school system and the school family. Either way, I would appreciate you letting me know what you are doing about this problem, and how you are addressing these issues. Once again, I am not the only concerned parent, there are several!

Sincerely yours,

Jhilmil Breckenridge



For further reading and inspirations on how to listen to your sons, read Stephen Biddulph's Raising Boys. It changed the way I look at my 4 sons... And to make it easy, there's a link on the left at JSpirit where you can order the book online...