The Rituals of Sex: A Connection To The Divine?

One of the sad things that happens as we lead these manic, fast paced lives, is the loss of rituals in our everyday life. The rituals I remember are simple: lighting a candle to pray, making rangoli patterns for major festivals, an oil massage, my grandmother and me making home made kaajal and putting it on...

Rituals are very important in our lives. In religion, they support a sense of the sacred. In romance, rituals signal the start and end of important acts, and help us to stay centered and engaged. In everyday life, rituals give stability to a family—asking for Grace before an evening meal, for instance.

In this post, I am going to examine the rituals we associate with sexuality and because we are losing touch with these rituals, how the sexual act is becoming mechanical, less in touch with our spirits, and certainly less sacred. And how that, as a whole, is destroying this generation's connection to our own spirits, and thus the divine...

A ritual love making session should take at least 2 hours and should include all of the these following items and steps (adapted from my own experiences and moonsmusings.com). If you do not have 2 hours, then it's not a sacred ritual, it's just sex!

What you will need:

Ritual Bath---should be taken together for partners.

Candles---lots of them! Surround the tub and the area you will be having sex in with them. Any type, size, color will do. Reds and pinks are best for the purposes of bringing the two of you closer together physically and to recharge your love.

Incense---burn this while you are bathing and in the area you will be having sex in. My personal favorite for this type of thing is Red Amber...nothing beats it in my opinion. Your tastes may vary, you may wish to try lavender or jasmine incense, musk also works well.

Crystals--if this is to be a spell casting event you will want clear quartz crystals around you, put them by the tub and then in the area you will be having sex in. (Yes, I keep refraining from saying "bedroom" not all of us find that to be our favorite place to have sex. Any room you choose is good...if you can perform Magickal & Ritual Sex outside it's even better! Find a nice quiet meadow when the weather is warm.) If this is for the purposes of renewing or recharging an existing relationship then it is good to have garnets, rubies, rose quartz crystals and the like in the areas as well.

CDs---I find that Nature Sounds CDs are truly excellent when played softly in the background during this type of activity. You may wish to use other Mood Music, anything soft and soothing will do.

Lotion or Oil--you will need some type of scented lotion or oil for massage after the ritual bath. This can be any kind of your choosing, anything that calls to you or sets your imagination off wandering. Patchouli is good for this purpose. Rose is good, if you like rose oil. Men will probably prefer a headier fragrance like musk or gold amber. Try not to use essential oils for this purpose, they can be very irritating to sensitive skin.

The Ritual Bath:
This is one of the most important and intimate parts of Ritual Love Making. Fill the bath with hot and scented water. I like jasmine and pure sea salt. The objective of this bath, though it's nice to get the added benfit of being scented and clean, is to gently prepare you and your partner for the ritual. Like gently cleansing body, mind and spirit—and it's also a great way of switching off from whatever it is you have been doing in your day and switch into this gentle, meditative, state, so important for ritual sex.

Light candles and incense before stepping into the bath, put on some gentle music of your choice. Immerse yourselves in the tub, allow the water to caress you, allow it to float over you for a while. Be gentle, be soft, be slow and languid. Wash your entire body (or your partner's) beginning with the head and gently down to the toes. Light touches, cuddles and light kisses are always appropriate—but no touching in a sexual manner! And certainly no intercourse, however turned on you may get!!

Stay in the water as long as you like, do not rush this important ritual: the preparatory bath. When you are ready to enter the next phase of Ritual Sex, dry yourself off and proceed to the next area.

The Ritual Massage:
The next area could be your bedroom or any other area where you will eventually make love. The stage should be set (so do this before the bath) with candles, incense and music playing softly. Float into the room, languidly, rather than rushing—that kills a bit of the meditative magic and energy you've generated so far. Take a moment in the doorway, take a deep breath, and inhale everything, let all your senses be open. Be a flower, open, vulnerable and innocent.

The male lies down on the bed face down. Make sure the area is warm enough, else cover his lower half with a sheet or blanket.

Start massaging the back by using the entire flat of your hand over the entire back and shoulder area to stimulate the skin and blood flow. You will actually begin to feel your partner's energies as they flow faster, more rhythmically and begin to transfer to your hands. Apply oil/lotion as needed and keep working the shoulders, back and arms—do not try to push too hard. Use a gentle, sensuous, and loving touch. It is important not to apply any pressure to the spinal region. Massage the buttocks gently as you move into legs, massaging each leg and then the whole of the foot.

The male reciprocates in the same manner for the female, only massaging the back in a non sexual manner. The mood is that of giving and receiving energy, tantra at it's best! Concentrate on senses, colours, auras, smells, sounds... reduce any talking so you both can focus on the energy. If you get tired, then just snap the fingers and hands in the air to repel any diseased or tired energy, which can sometimes happen in this beautiful ritual. Soft talking and light kisses on the back are okay, anything else more sexual is not!

Ritual Sex—the Invocation:
After the massage, state your purpose in a clear voice. If invoking for Divine presence and healing, now is the time. You may say something like this: "To the Divine God & all the Healing Angels, please surround us with divine protection and healing and love. In full faith, so be it." Believe.

Kiss your partner's forehead (activating the crown chakra for divine downpouring of energy).



Ritual Sex—the Act of Making Love:
Now you can finally begin the sexual act. Begin with soft kisses and tell each other how are feeling, what you like about your partner, and what you are looking forward to. Don't be shy, this is a soul to soul connection—reaffirm your connection to each other. You may at this time begin a frontal massage which will probably lead into sex.

Either way, the most important thing is to take your time and enjoy each other. Do not rush. Climax or orgasm will be intense, and when you're about to get there, hold it back for as long as possible and focus on what is happening inside your own bodies. Be aware of the energy, the power, ask the Universe or God for anything you wish—this is as close as mere mortals often get to the Divine.

Ritual Sex—Afterplay:
To fully complete the act, acknowledge each other. Do not just roll over with a grunt and sleep! Share some water, or other drink. Eat some ice cream or chocolate, or create your own ritual. Get grounded by willing yourself to come back to earth, else you'll be floating for days...


This was a description of Ritual Sex. For more help in incorporating ritual sex into your lives, contact me for healing, spells and magical incantations. And enjoy the journey!