Excessive Force... from the about.com blog

I was forcibly locked up for 46 days in New Delhi, India, by my parents and husband for being a little abusive in a stressful situation. 10 policemen came and dragged me to a mental facility. It was the single most traumatic and devastating period of my life and I live now in fear of being locked up again. To be locked up, abused, violated and punished by people you love and trust is the biggest form of betrayal. I don't care what they were thought, and what advice they were given by the medical fraternity. I still have nightmares and fears of being locked up again, and I have to live with that in my bipolar head...

I hope this makes some families consider their actions when they feel they are acting in the best interest of their bipolar disordered loved ones. What we need most is love and understanding. Lack of that makes us go more crazy...

Love,
Jhilmil

Read what is on the Bipolar Disorder blog today from about.com

Excessive Force?
Tuesday November 24, 2009
That's what the family of Michael J. Gibson is saying after a San Francisco Bay Area Rapid Transit (BART) officer shoved him into a window of a train station, breaking the glass and injuring both. According to The Raw Story, Gibson has been charge with "felony battery of a police officer, obstructing and resisting an officer, disorderly conduct and public intoxication." Gibson's sister, however, says the officer was way out of line, and that her brother suffers from "bipolar disorder and schizophrenia."
The incident was caught by a passenger with a cell phone and the video posted on YouTube, where it gained widespread attention. (Warning: there is a lot of foul language in the video.)

It is plain from the video that Gibson was out of line, and that the officer could not have determined the man was mentally ill. Regardless, it appears to me that there was absolutely no reason for the officer to slam Gibson into the glass. And would the officer have treated Gibson differently if he had known about the man's mental illness? What do you think?
~Marcia

Dear Diary...

So, as I decide I feel like writing today, there are no burning issues to discuss. It's just a simple peace, a happy existence, and a feeling of pure love... is this why comedians and writers stay angry and full of angst so they can create?? Maybe. But I feel, at this time of peace, I am the most productive I have ever been. Just like what Goenka ji of Vipassana or Master Choa Kok Sui say... if you meditate, you become much more productive and people are just left gaping...

So, fellow lovers, meditators, yogis, and friends, what do you think? Are you truly living, laughing, loving? If not, why do you wait? Start living in the moment, meditate, look inward, become a witness, and live in bliss! And that is The Secret.

Love,
Jhilmil

An amazing letter to me from the author of the DaVinci Method

Dear Jhilmil,

You are amazing. Many do not understand your bipolar nature; but
you can rest assured ...

The bipolar experience is no more than this:
A heroic soul born inhumanely sensitive,
desperately in need of true connection.

To you ... a touch is a blow, a misfortune is a tragedy,
a joy is an ecstasy, a friend is a lover, a daydream is a
premonition, strictness is suffocation, and completion is death.

Add to your brutally sensitive soul the overwhelming need to
heal, create, and transform -- so that without the outpouring
of honesty, the creating of music or poetry or something of
meaning your very breath is cut off ...

You must create, must pour out your entire being in each and
every encounter. By some strange, unknown, inward urgency you do
not feel truly alive unless you are risking everything through
your divine expression.

Thank you for having the courage to create ... to transform ...
to be ... in a way other souls don't.

For without your courage and your light
the world would grow listless and dull
and the rest of us who are like you
would not have your courageous acts
to inspire our own.

Rock on,
Garret LoPorto
Author of The DaVinci Method
www.DaVinciMethod.com
Twitter: twitter.com/garretloporto

The above message by Garret LoPorto was inspired by Pearl
Buck 's poetry.


Media for your Mind, Inc.
199 Sudbury Road
Suite 2B
Concord, MA 01742

Intimacy, marriages and expectations

Is it right to stay in a marriage just for the kids when all intimacy is gone?? This is the question I grapple with tonight as I have had a fun day with my stuff, done healing for a small child with a disability, and then been Mommy to my kids. At 8 pm, my husband walks in, much later than normal, with not a single call or explanation. He serves himself dinner and then takes it to the TV room. I ask him to sit with me but he wants to "relax'... I keep doing my work then...

What does all this mean? No intimacy, no sex, no cuddles, no talking... Is this what I have in store for me for the next 40 years? Looks pretty bleak to me.

Maybe this is what Kahlil Gibran meant when he talks of marriage?

Help me to figure this one out!

Love,
Jhilmil

On Marriage
Kahlil Gibran

You were born together, and together you shall be forevermore.
You shall be together when the white wings of death scatter your days.
Ay, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God.
But let there be spaces in your togetherness,
And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.


Love one another, but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.


Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow.

Chronotherapy to Entrepreneurialism – Coping Strategies for Living with Bipolar Disorder

For those with life-long illnesses such as bipolar disorder, coping strategies are vital for achieving and maintaining stability. However, Dr. Charles Raison, a Psychiatrist at Emory University Medical School, hits the nail on the head when he comments that "bipolar disorder is too difficult to succumb to any single type of 'magic bullet.'" And this is why we see coping strategies as varied and different as the individuals who have this disorder.
Dr. Raison discusses the pros and difficulties of keeping a routine to help control bipolar symptoms. "I have personally had great luck with using routines (or more formally chronotherapy) to help people with bipolar disorder. One of the sickest patients I ever cared for was able to completely turn her life around by committing deeply to establishing very strict routines that helped stabilize her sleep."

Margaux Salcedo, with Sunday Inquirer Magazine, reports that Jetro, owner of the Van Gogh is Bipolar restaurant in Quezon City in the Philippines, has found his solution in food. "Diagnosed as being bipolar since he was young and having experienced medication that made him feel worse, he began experimenting with his diet, cooking with ingredients that made him happy and avoiding food that would lead him to spiral into depression." He has taken his coping strategy and turned it into his business.

His menu is comprised of cuisine named after celebrities who have bipolar disorder. There is an Axl Rose Egg Shot, a Sting Hot Cherry Potato and Larry Flynt's Cabbage Experience. And of course, Van Gogh rice.

Do you have any solid or unique coping strategies for living with bipolar disorder? ~Kimberly
(from the about.com newsletter)

Like Water For Chocolate

Many years ago, I read this book. It is a love story of a life long love between Pedro and Tita, set in Mexico. Each chapter begins with a recipe and as Tita cooks it, the food takes on her mood. Like if she is weeping when cooking because her heart is breaking for Pedro, when the guests eat the food, they all start crying inconsolably too!! I loved that book when I read it and am going to go and buy 5 copies tomorrow to give to the ladies who are coming to the Karma Pies Chocolate Lovers Morning!


So, today, at 2:30 am, while I was making Karma Pies first batch of chocolates, dark chocolate, some plain and some with walnut centers, I was weeping. Just weeping for possibilities, choices, and also for gratitude for the abundance in my life.

I wonder if the people who eat them tomorrow will also weep like the people who ate Tita's desserts?!!

Love,
Jhilmil

Editorial Reviews (from Amazon)

From Publishers Weekly
Each chapter of screenwriter Esquivel's utterly charming interpretation of life in turn-of-the-century Mexico begins with a recipe--not surprisingly, since so much of the action of this exquisite first novel (a bestseller in Mexico) centers around the kitchen, the heart and soul of a traditional Mexican family. The youngest daughter of a well-born rancher, Tita has always known her destiny: to remain single and care for her aging mother. When she falls in love, her mother quickly scotches the liaison and tyrannically dictates that Tita's sister Rosaura must marry the luckless suitor, Pedro, in her place. But Tita has one weapon left--her cooking. Esquivel mischievously appropriates the techniques of magical realism to make Tita's contact with food sensual, instinctual and often explosive. Forced to make the cake for her sister's wedding, Tita pours her emotions into the task; each guest who samples a piece bursts into tears. Esquivel does a splendid job of describing the frustration, love and hope expressed through the most domestic and feminine of arts, family cooking, suggesting by implication the limited options available to Mexican women of this period. Tita's unrequited love for Pedro survives the Mexican Revolution the births of Rosaura and Pedro's children, even a proposal of marriage from an eligible doctor. In a poignant conclusion, Tita manages to break the bonds of tradition, if not for herself, then for future generations.
Copyright 1992 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to the Hardcover edition.

Positive People and Money...

I know this person, Ms. X. She has come into my life recently. And though she calls herself a yogini, she is so money minded and petty... What is that all about I wonder? How can you be so mean, so negative, and so obsessed with money and on the other hand, talk about empowerment, the power of positive thought and transformation?

I don't get it. But maybe that is just me. Maybe that is her work persona, what she would like people to believe and she is actually petty, insecure, and mean within.


Oh well, blogged it out, and got it off my chest! I'll write something more interesting in a bit.

Love,
Jhilmil

To Live in Fear...

I wonder how many people live like I am living now. To be scared that anything they say will be the trigger needed for their family to lock them up. 2 years ago, when I was locked up in Vimhans, a psychiatric facility and worse than a mental asylum for those who do not know, I saw many women sent to Vimhans as a punishment for not being "good wives". There was an older woman there, Radhika, whose husband would just send her there every year for months on end. Money was obviously not a problem for them, and this woman was so gentle, so sad, and so bewildered at being locked up for months on end. The doctors would come and ask me every day, "do you feel guilty yet?" And though initially, I used to say No, later I started saying Yes, just hoping that maybe if I could fool the doctors into thinking I was a "surrendered wife", they would let me go home.

For 2 years, I have been grateful for life's simple pleasures. A shower in a bathroom I can lock (even the bathrooms there are not private...). A cup of tea brewed my way on my pretty balcony overlooking an old neem tree. A morning hug from Liam every morning as if he has not seen me for years!!

But now I question, all this at what cost? At the cost of truly being free? Because I am constantly evaluating the words that come out from my mouth. There is a constant mental dialogue in my head and I am scared of speaking because I am terrified of being locked up.

What do you think? Is it good to live in fear? Is it worth it for the sake of making your family happy to not be true to yourself? And should I keep putting up with being put down just because I have bipolar disorder and others don't? I don't put people down if they have diabetes or high blood pressure. Why should people feel they can put me down just because I am bipolar???

Love,
Jhilmil

PS: Shopping for a better psychologist and psychiatrist I can trust, hate Dr Nagpal at Vimhans... though my husband loves him! Should we see psychiatrists for us or for our families???

Baking is like Meditation

3 am in the Karma Kitchen...

Take flour out, take out zucchini, start grating, start beating eggs...all done so mindfully and consciously it turns into meditation.

What is meditation? Not the mindless chanting of some mantras or staring fixedly at a point while your mind wanders in all different directions. Meditation is being so engrossed in the activity that you block everything else out... like I heard the Dalai Lama say at a talk I was fortunate enough to attend. How do you eat an orange and turn it into meditation? When you are peeling the orange, just think about that action. As you eat each slice, just think about the taste, the texture and how the orange feels in your mouth. Don't let your mind wander. And that is meditation!

So, fellow travelers on this searching journey, meditate. It is so good for you! And it does not have to be a spiritual or religious meditation which most people try. When you run, just run. When you eat, just eat. And when you play, just play.

Simple? Maybe not... but with practice you'll love it.

In the zone. Focused. Sure. Everything else in your life will start seeming so easy...

Love,
Jhilmil


PS: Check out this interesting yoga class: baking like meditation!
http://images.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://balanceyogalounge.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/09/bread-baking-9.jpg&imgrefurl=http://balanceyogalounge.com/blog/&usg=__lM2foJpwyI8GnDcXfnVzzXwupR0=&h=1227&w=924&sz=404&hl=en&start=3&sig2=5GLtuA0ZvXHzxjGINQLQkA&um=1&tbnid=rLRt16HJREgl4M:&tbnh=150&tbnw=113&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dbaking%2Blike%2Bmeditation%26hl%3Den%26client%3Dsafari%26rls%3Den-us%26um%3D1&ei=8a-6SqvKK4aHkQWtg934BQ

September 7, 2009 · Filed Under Living Yoga

Bread baking…a quiet meditation

September 4, 2009 · Filed Under Living Yoga · Comment

Back again this fall- our popular breadbaking as meditation workshop.

Noodle Zoo will share their kitchen Zen Sept 28 at 7pm. The workshop will begin with hands on mixing and kneading of dough and then proceed to relaxing yoga stretches and meditation while the loaves rise. After baking, we will break bread together and spend time reflecting on the transformative process of creating bread and the possible parallels to life itself.
Baking not only demands concentration and presence but also offers a bit of sanctuary. The process of making bread creates a shift in awareness, becoming absorbed- not thinking of yesterday or tomorrow- but giving your attention to the bread, focusing on the dough in your hands.

call Sandy 515-210-8138 or email sandy@balanceyogalounge.com
(limited to 8 participants)

Our Goddess Group Coffee Morning!

10 am, Cafe Turtle.

Tania and Lora and I had arranged to meet... What a delightful morning it was! Tania, so spiritual and so conscious of the goddess and the shakti within, Lora so completely unaware, and me in between the two. Over coffees and my drink (Fountain of Youth!! a combo of fresh pineapple juice and coconut water), we whiled two hours away.

Talking about magic, crystals, beauty, men, food... all the stuff women like to share and chat about and which men are clueless about, we revelled in our Goddess Group morning.

Have set up to meet again next Wednesday, and we've all written Goddess Group in our planners!! Can't wait, look out world, the power of three Goddesses is being unleashed!!!

Love,
Jhilmil