Excessive Force... from the about.com blog

I was forcibly locked up for 46 days in New Delhi, India, by my parents and husband for being a little abusive in a stressful situation. 10 policemen came and dragged me to a mental facility. It was the single most traumatic and devastating period of my life and I live now in fear of being locked up again. To be locked up, abused, violated and punished by people you love and trust is the biggest form of betrayal. I don't care what they were thought, and what advice they were given by the medical fraternity. I still have nightmares and fears of being locked up again, and I have to live with that in my bipolar head...

I hope this makes some families consider their actions when they feel they are acting in the best interest of their bipolar disordered loved ones. What we need most is love and understanding. Lack of that makes us go more crazy...

Love,
Jhilmil

Read what is on the Bipolar Disorder blog today from about.com

Excessive Force?
Tuesday November 24, 2009
That's what the family of Michael J. Gibson is saying after a San Francisco Bay Area Rapid Transit (BART) officer shoved him into a window of a train station, breaking the glass and injuring both. According to The Raw Story, Gibson has been charge with "felony battery of a police officer, obstructing and resisting an officer, disorderly conduct and public intoxication." Gibson's sister, however, says the officer was way out of line, and that her brother suffers from "bipolar disorder and schizophrenia."
The incident was caught by a passenger with a cell phone and the video posted on YouTube, where it gained widespread attention. (Warning: there is a lot of foul language in the video.)

It is plain from the video that Gibson was out of line, and that the officer could not have determined the man was mentally ill. Regardless, it appears to me that there was absolutely no reason for the officer to slam Gibson into the glass. And would the officer have treated Gibson differently if he had known about the man's mental illness? What do you think?
~Marcia

To Live in Fear...

I wonder how many people live like I am living now. To be scared that anything they say will be the trigger needed for their family to lock them up. 2 years ago, when I was locked up in Vimhans, a psychiatric facility and worse than a mental asylum for those who do not know, I saw many women sent to Vimhans as a punishment for not being "good wives". There was an older woman there, Radhika, whose husband would just send her there every year for months on end. Money was obviously not a problem for them, and this woman was so gentle, so sad, and so bewildered at being locked up for months on end. The doctors would come and ask me every day, "do you feel guilty yet?" And though initially, I used to say No, later I started saying Yes, just hoping that maybe if I could fool the doctors into thinking I was a "surrendered wife", they would let me go home.

For 2 years, I have been grateful for life's simple pleasures. A shower in a bathroom I can lock (even the bathrooms there are not private...). A cup of tea brewed my way on my pretty balcony overlooking an old neem tree. A morning hug from Liam every morning as if he has not seen me for years!!

But now I question, all this at what cost? At the cost of truly being free? Because I am constantly evaluating the words that come out from my mouth. There is a constant mental dialogue in my head and I am scared of speaking because I am terrified of being locked up.

What do you think? Is it good to live in fear? Is it worth it for the sake of making your family happy to not be true to yourself? And should I keep putting up with being put down just because I have bipolar disorder and others don't? I don't put people down if they have diabetes or high blood pressure. Why should people feel they can put me down just because I am bipolar???

Love,
Jhilmil

PS: Shopping for a better psychologist and psychiatrist I can trust, hate Dr Nagpal at Vimhans... though my husband loves him! Should we see psychiatrists for us or for our families???